He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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