He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i out mim tonsoeep
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