yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize