My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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