You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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