I'm so fucking centered right now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
