Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
