Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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