just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize