Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
