I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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