Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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