and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
