you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
