im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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