Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
