The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's shark week go big or go home
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
