There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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