Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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