worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I could make wine with my vomit
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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