I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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