I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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