What did we do last night that was yellow?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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