I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
