Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
