so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
