She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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