I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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