just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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