so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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