I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
