I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I AM VODKA MAN
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
