1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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