I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
