Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
