And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
smell my finger.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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