I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
