Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
