Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is Oprah even human
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize