She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
