Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
