Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize