every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
