I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
