i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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