Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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