The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
