The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
