I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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