I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
