There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
