Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize