I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
