A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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