you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
