he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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