Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize