I'm drive I can fine osifer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
