Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
