Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize