then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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