Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
