too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
