Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
