Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
