my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize